It would also be useful to discuss alternatives that challenge patriarchal norms, because change does have to start somewhere. But it’s also your responsibility to provide her with the necessary context as to why those rules exist and whom they benefit most. It’s a good idea for you, as a mentor, to teach your mentee both the spoken and unspoken rules that will contribute to her success.
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There are a lot of unspoken rules about how to succeed in many industries. Should I just focus my feedback on substance? However, I recognize that giving her such advice will only reinforce the kind of patriarchal nonsense that I hope her generation will face less. Frankly, these are all issues that I’ve navigated myself. that I think will help her advance in this industry. However, I would like to give her some feedback on style issues - upspeak, business writing tone, etc. I give her a healthy amount of supportive feedback on the substance of her work. woman, who is as thoughtful as she is ambitious. I now manage - and, happily, mentor - a wonderful 20-something A.P.I. woman who has a reasonably successful career in an industry dominated by white men and, more specifically, white male archetypes of leadership. When I need something beyond advice, I ask for recommendations, and she directs me to a professional who will be able to execute the ideas we’ve discussed, for compensation. But we also respect each other’s expertise and time. I would have a hard time wrapping my mind around paying her or vice versa. I occasionally ask her for advice on how to position this or that project, but there is a difference between seeking advice and expecting the work of brand development. My wife happens to be a brand expert, too. He clearly believes supporting him involves working with him to get his company off the ground, but he has drawn this conclusion without consulting you.
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Am I completely wrong here? Should I work for him for free on the principle of being his wife?
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I’m used to being compensated for the same skills in my day job, so I was surprised by his reaction and felt like my expertise wasn’t valued. He says he respects my opinion and apologized for making assumptions, but I can tell I really hurt him and made him feel unsupported. When I asked how formal the arrangement would be and whether there would be any compensation involved, he was incredibly hurt and now believes I don’t support his business.
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He and his co-founder want my help naming their company, crafting messaging and creating their website and pitch materials. My husband is beginning to fund-raise for his new start-up. Include your name and location, or a request to remain anonymous. Send questions about the office, money, careers and work-life balance to.